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Let’s talk about the prison guard, Hernâni Carvalho

“Open Line”: Let’s talk about the prison guard Hernâni Carvalho

Comedian Miguel Lambertini saw the SIC talk show and has to venture into what happened in his life.

Hernâni treats us like 8 year olds.

I’m locked up at home with the kids, so after seeing every movie in the Disney catalog since 1937 and putting together all of Science4You’s toys, from the veterinary kit to the make-up factory that they happily hang out with in a cul-de-sac.

I was still thinking of reading Isabel Stilwell’s book about King Manuel I, who was at home here, but I was scared of getting addicted. Watch what I say: Isabel Stilwell’s historical novels are crisp in book form. My wife began to read a few pages of the book on Filipa de Lencastre, as if she didn’t want this thing, and when she realized that she had to read a chapter in the morning, afternoon and evening. It’s a real scourge, and manna too, as the author will have to start inventing kings with just four dynasties in 2098 in order to keep selling bestsellers.

Personally, I would like titles like “D. Plex, the King of the Taparueres “or” D. Samanta Labardajouse, the princess who swept the children of the European courts ”.

Looking for an alternative, I looked at what was happening on our old national television and came across a talk show – yes, that’s the official name – that seemed perfect to wrap up this year. Nothing beats a collection of dramas to remind us that, whenever possible, 2021 wasn’t such a bad year.

The talk show is called “Linha Aberta”, with Hernâni Carvalho, and is a kind of “Crime Disse Ela”, in this case “he said”. Only here, unlike the charming Jessica Fletcher, has Hernâni the sympathy of a prison guard from Westville and talks as if everyone else were his eight-year-old children who have just come home with torn pants and no football.

There is a desperation in the moderator’s tone that leads me to believe that he has long since given up on life and is only a sneeze away from strangling the first person who appears in front of him. I do not judge him, Hernâni spends his day listening to tragedies and commenting on heinous crimes, and I do not even speak of his option to wear plaid suits.

“I’ve lived 40 years of terror,” “She was run over by her own husband,” or “Convicted for trying to kill her husband … three times!” (As far as I know, there is no link between these last two cases ) are some of the footnotes to this program, which is one of SIC’s audience guides.

All episodes begin with a report with an interview in the style of Wish “60 Minutes” and then go into the studio, where service commentators Maria Cunha Louro, forensic psychologist, and Carlos do Carmo, former judicial police investigator, express their opinions, always fearful that Hernâni Carvalho would happen at any time and throw himself on his carotid arteries, which unfortunately did not happen.

It was a well-spent afternoon, unfortunately interrupted by my daughter, who had meanwhile produced another twenty bottles of pink nail polish in the make-up factory and who needed a guinea pig to paint her nails. What a blessing to be teleworking with the kids at home through the 10th. Much strength for those in the same situation and patience. Or drink the bottles of lacquer, it can help to pass the time and hopefully create even more sinister content and footers for “Linha Aberta”.


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