“I didn’t know I was pregnant”: no weight gain, no nausea and no point
NiT comedian and chronicler Miguel Lambertini analyzes one of TLC’s most controversial programs.
“No weight gain, no nausea, no mood swings” is the generic “I Didn’t Know I Was Pregnant” broadcast on cable channel TLC presents every episode of the series. Like all of the content on this channel, this is another bizarre series where we meet real cases of women who don’t discover they are pregnant until the water breaks.
A concept I did not understand how it could even be possible to see the program. I am saying this because my wife has already been pregnant twice and although I am quite distracted I think I would notice some changes. First, because when some women are pregnant they are like bank robbers: the only difference is that you can bargain with the robbers. So, early in my pregnancy, I recognized the minor changes this mini-person would bring about in their future mother.
I also realized that my role was not that of a negotiator but that of a hostage, and that if everything was to go well until the end, it was best to follow the pregnant woman’s instructions. Mainly because my wife doesn’t usually have the habit of ordering pies from Tentúgal with plum ice cream from Elvas and cherry crust from the Fundão at three in the morning. Fortunately, this was one of the strangest wishes she had, trying to get rid of the wish that men should have children. It must be very difficult to carry a baby in the womb for nine months and then still get through the stress of work. The pain must be so terrible that it is probably the only time women get a glimpse of what men are saying when they have the flu.
In the episode I saw, I learned the story of Tina, a young college girl who stopped taking the pill a week before her boyfriend’s fight in Afghanistan. In the months that followed, Tina went about her normal life, putting a lot of money into her college soccer practice, drinking glasses with her friends at night, going on roller coasters and whenever she vomited anywhere Tina thought it was the exertion, the alcohol or driving on the merry-go-rounds.
What about menstruation? Didn’t she realize she stopped buying tampons? It was also one of my initial doubts, but Tina says she was always pretty deregulated and that’s why she thought it was completely normal. The only difference the young woman noticed in her body was that she gained a little weight and that her breasts were larger. Still, Tina never thought for a minute that she might be pregnant. You must have thought, “Look, these prayers that I said when I was 11 when I asked to be with a bigger breast came late, but they took effect. Thank you Lord, by the way, if you can give me abs too, it was great because strangely I have a big belly. “
One night when she was about to fall asleep, Tina had a severe stomachache and asked her mother to take her to the hospital because she believed she had appendicitis. The mother, who must be one of those people who, when we have a lot of green in our teeth, doesn’t warn her, didn’t say anything to her either and limited herself to taking her daughter with us. When she got to the hospital, Tina found that it wasn’t appendicitis, after all, but an end-of-pregnancy pregnancy. She was happy to know she was going to be a mother, but sad to realize that after all, her little child is not a mini-water factory as she suspected.